Did you ever stub your toe on the blankin’ kitchen chair,
On your way to breakfast to eat your last éclair,
And then find out that a mouse not only bit right thru it,
But the paper you were gonna read had holes chewed clear into it?

Dag Gum It, I hate it when that happens.
Dag Gum It, I just don’t think it’s fair.
With trouble starting up the day,
Should I go back to bed to stay?

I’m in my car and on my way to work at half past eight.
I should have been there earlier, and now I’m kinda late.
The coffee cup, that I had balanced on the dash,
Just took flight and landed on me in a great big splash.

Dag Gum It, I hate it when that happens.
Dag Gum It, I hate it when I’m late.
I hate it when I start out neat
And end with coffee in my seat.

I got home just in time to nap before the game.
The TV blinked and winked at me, 
And then it called my name
Just before it went berserk, 
And then the screen when blank.
My football team played their game – without me, and that stank.

Dag Gum It, I hate it when that happens.
Dag Gum It, I won’t get over this.
My TV can’t go on the blink;
My headache makes it hard to think.

Two aspirins later, I recalled I should have fed the cat.
Then just inside the kitchen door – lying on the mat,
I found that all my fish were gone, the tank was upside down.
The kitchen floor was sopping wet, my cat could not be found.

Dag Gum It, I hate it when that happens.
Dag Gum It, it’s time to take a break.
The kitchen floor will just stay wet.
It’s just not time to mop it yet.